The Never-ending Story of One-Upsmanship
Dad One: After a year, our little guy is finally sleeping so well through the night.
Dad Two: Our guy started sleeping through the night at six months. It’s been great.
Dad One: Wow, hey, you know what’s crazy? Our boy is eating table food now.
Dad Two: We had our son eating table food like at three months.
Dad One: Ours is almost wearing 24-month clothes!
Dad Two: Our son can drive. Wait, why am I Dad Two? I want to be Dad One in this scene.
Stop me if you’ve heard this. Stop yourself if you do this. Just stop. Do we need to compare? Everything? No. All we need to do is let the other person speak and listen to them. It’s not just dads or men that do this. Everyone does this. One person makes a statement, then the other person offers a personally contextual retort that expands the first statement rather than empathizing with it. The first person does the same thing back until it grows into a good old-fashioned pissing match.
Do we ever hear each other? Think back to your last conversation with someone. Was there anything meaningful exchanged at all?
Are you already thinking of your response to outdo mine?
It’s okay if you are. That’s what we’re wired to do. We seek unearned validation constantly by attempting to verbalize our worth. It’s only when we give to the other person through our presence and understanding that we gain the contentment we desire.
Let’s try that scene again…
Dad One: After a year, our little guy is finally sleeping so well through the night.
Dad Two: That’s awesome. Congratulations. Parenting is hard work, isn’t it?
Dad One: You got that right. But aren’t we lucky, man, to be on this journey?
Dad Two: Absolutely. Cheers to us!
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Photo by CloudVisual on Unsplash
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